What Winter Left Behind (5)
Peaceful days continued for a while.
The two shared meals, diligently treated the unsightly scars, and stayed by each other's side through feverish nights.
The familiarity they felt for each other gradually built up over time.
Now, they both knew the other existed in their own worlds.
The days they leaned on, relied on, and supported each other had formed another world.
A faint connection was growing between the boy and the girl.
“Now… winter is slowly passing.”
The season was coming to the end of winter.
It was the beginning of winter when he first met the girl, but before he knew it, he was already flipping the calendar to February.
That meant they had spent their time fiercely and densely.
He would smile.
A smile for the taciturn girl.
“How is it? Aren’t you looking forward to spring?”
“……Not really.”
Progress had been made in their once stiff relationship.
Before, she wouldn’t even open her mouth first, barely giving a reply, but now, they could have light conversations.
Was it the power of familiarity?
Perhaps because her wariness towards him had lessened, she was noticeably less likely to raise her sharp thorns.
Sometimes, in her drowsy moments, she would quietly accept his caresses.
Of course, when fully awake, she would run away in disgust…
“Might feel a little sad.”
Anyway.
As the distance between them narrowed, he was getting to know the girl.
These were the observations he had made over the past three months.
“Hey… isn’t it hard?”
“Hmm?”
“Nursing me every dawn, I mean. It’s not just for a day or two that my fever rises…”
“Should I take that as a concern? Or gratitude?”
“……I didn’t say it like that.”
“Some feelings are conveyed even without words.”
“Forget it. I said something unnecessary again.”
“Huhu… Lady Neria is indeed deep.”
“Don’t be silly.”
The girl was fundamentally kind.
Although she was awkward in dealing with others, she fundamentally knew how to worry about them.
She just didn't know how to express it, but her inner self was gentle enough.
She was not some monster.
Just an ordinary nineteen-year-old.
A lonely, sometimes fearful, and tearful nineteen-year-old at night.
If there was a reason why such a girl had closed her heart off from the world.
It was probably because of the curse she carried.
-No… I can’t go out.
-If I go outside, someone else will get hurt. That’s why I have to stay here…
The reason the girl tried to distance herself from others was not a way to protect herself.
Rather, it was a desperate struggle to protect people from herself.
A vast power she couldn't control.
The monster feared the wounds she inflicted on others far more than the wounds she received.
Perhaps it was due to the despair that came from loss.
-I don't want to hurt anyone anymore.
The girl would toss and turn in guilt at dawn.
This personality was proof of her kindness, as mentioned earlier, and the sad wish of a nineteen-year-old who was a monster but wanted to have a human heart.
He couldn't dare to fathom the thorny path that fragile being had walked.
During those tattered years.
How much of herself did the girl have to give up?
First, she abandoned happiness, then relief, and later, in the cycle of misfortune, she even abandoned sorrow and anger.
At the end of the emotions she had lost one by one… only 'resentment' towards the world remained.
He would occasionally recall the girl's demise in the original story.
-This power… I never wanted it in the first place.
-Why did the stars choose me?
The monster's end was only miserable.
Despite having such a fragile mindset, how much pain must the silver-haired girl have endured to eventually fall into becoming a villain who would burn the world?
When he felt that way, he couldn't help but want to take care of her even more.
He was still weak to children.
He did his best to help her recover to her daily life.
He felt like he had given her all the help he could.
“It’s another fun treatment time today!”
Among them, the most difficult task was, of course, the treatment.
Or… could he even call it treatment?
The blessing of the stars contained in a fragile body.
To stop that merciless flow and the rampage of starlight, he had to periodically suppress her power.
Even this was not perfect, merely a temporary measure.
“Cough…!”
While holding hands and focusing all his concentration, a cough mixed with blood would suddenly burst from his lips.
He wiped the bloodstains from his mouth with a heavy feeling of nausea.
It was always like this.
Perhaps it was because his ability was overloaded.
It was common for him to suddenly get a nosebleed or damage his internal organs while treating her, and in severe cases, he would even lose consciousness.
It seemed like he was putting too much strain on himself by forcibly scraping and using his insufficient output.
The existence of a star was truly tricky.
'The blessing of the stars.'
A single proposition encompassing providence.
It was that difficult of a power.
He had been scraping the bottom and twisting and deceiving various laws, but even among them, starlight had a complex and precarious structure.
If rated by difficulty, it would still be among the top three even based on the current situation three years later.
That was why he couldn't rashly take action.
A star was like gunpowder piled next to a lighter.
If even a slight mistranslation occurred in the process of interpreting its power, that body was destined to break down in the face of the rushing paradox.
He, who was connected to the girl, would also have difficulty staying intact.
He had to be cautious in his approach.
'If only my output was sufficient… I could boldly try to swallow the starlight.'
There was also a way to erase providence itself with lies.
But with his current output, it was close to impossible.
As he had keenly felt since his days struggling at the bottom… what always held him back was the lack of output.
How could he explain the powerlessness of not being able to act despite having the potential?
To put it simply… it was like knowing the perfect solution to a given problem, but not being able to write down the answer because the pen was out of ink.
That was how critical the lack of output was.
“Haa, haa… another failure.”
Repeated failures.
It seemed like some research would be needed for a while to fill in the answer sheet.
It just so happened that he had been thinking a lot about improving his output.
It made him realize anew just how monstrous Judas in the original story was.
He freely wielded such an unstable power and played with the world's providence with numerous lies, so his proficiency was like an unbridgeable gap.
He swallowed a sigh.
“Oh dear, your sleeve is a mess.”
“Are you okay…?”
While he was wiping the dark red stains from his sleeve, the girl, who had been receiving treatment, cautiously asked.
Her gaze towards him held a complex wavering.
Over the past three months.
There had been slight changes in the monster’s reactions.
When she first received treatment, she showed resistance or a strong sense of caution about contact, but now, she seemed strangely concerned about him.
It meant she was showing worry for each of his coughs and stumbles.
It was the basis for his belief that their distance had narrowed somewhat.
“There’s… a lot of blood.”
“I pushed myself a little.”
“Does it hurt?”
“I don’t even feel it.”
“Liar.”
“I’m serious.”
Kindness was hidden behind the short sentences.
He wore a faint smile.
A smile that was about to dissipate like the mist at the hazy dawn.
The quiet silence neatly organized their relationship.
Soon, the girl murmured.
“I don’t know.”
“Hmm?”
“I don’t know how to understand you. I can’t do anything for you, but you keep trying to give me something.”
“I think I told you the reason last time.”
“I don’t want to hear meaningless words like I’m precious to you.”
“The value of mercy comes from not seeking its meaning.”
“Even though you were just spitting up blood.”
“It can’t be helped.”
“……You’re weird.”
The girl frowned.
As if she didn’t understand his meaning, her silver pupils were filled with confusion.
He brushed off her persistent gaze with a smile.
“Lady Neria.”
He called her name softly.
His gently extended hand carefully stroked her silver hair.
The warmth of his touch left a tender impression.
He whispered softly.
“Everything will be alright.”
Before he knew it, the girl was accepting his touch as if it were familiar.
He made a promise.
“Because this time, I’ll be by your side.”
The silver-haired monster.
Perhaps the first responsibility his life had taken on since falling into this world.
It was like a shackle binding his heart.
“Huhu… it’s getting late. Shall we tidy up and have dinner?”
“If you say so.”
The girl nodded.
Their winter seemed to be passing by like that.
But.
Why hadn’t he noticed?
“……Nothing is alright.”
The murmur that brushed past his ear.
The fact that the girl’s expression was particularly dark that day.
***
The girl was spending her days in an awkward routine.
A coziness she just couldn’t get used to.
The home she was staying in for the first time in her life felt like a gift that had suddenly appeared by her side.
The peaceful daily life was more beautiful than the ideal she had longed for.
Every day was a day without pain.
However.
A sticky unease was slowly rising within the monster.
A thorny rope was tightening around her fragile neck.
‘Can I really be here?’
Recently, the frequency of her fits had increased.
She couldn’t fully control her power either.
The high fever that visited every night had become more intense, and sometimes uncontrollable flames would leak out.
Confirming her deteriorating physical condition, the monster had a premonition.
The starlight was becoming violent.
As if it would go on a rampage at any moment.
‘No…’
The boy was suppressing her power in the name of treatment, but it was only as effective as temporarily pressing down a tight spring.
Even that seemed to be taking a toll, as the boy would spit up blood every time.
He would reassure her that he was fine.
But whenever she saw his pale complexion, she realized how flimsy that lie was.
Even though his life force was fading, the boy was smiling.
‘Why?’
The fundamentally unresolved problem gnawed at her heart.
The monster couldn’t help but keep asking.
The boy’s bright eyes, even when he was covered in blood, made the whispers from beyond her memories repeat.
It was a part of the brainwashing and scars inflicted by the monarch.
-You are a child full of all kinds of evil.
-You were born with a destiny of misfortune, and you will surely burn everything around you to ashes.
-Please, do not seek happiness from the outside world.
That she was a child bound by a curse.
That she should never have been born.
That she had been chosen to harm others, so she should not dare to wish for any happiness, warmth, or tomorrow.
As each day passed, the girl was being driven into a corner mentally.
Consequently, the starlight also raged.
She wasn't feeling well.
At this rate, a major accident was bound to happen.
The girl asked in anguish.
‘What am I doing?’
A rampage could happen at any moment, yet was it okay for her to be so thoughtless?
She had already stained her hands with countless sins.
How dare a monster.
Had she become too intoxicated by this warmth?
So far, that person had been struggling to stop it, but could this peace continue in the future?
As the backflow of starlight intensified, she could feel her reason wavering.
Perhaps.
Everything would burn down again this time.
The girl was deeply anxious.
-Lady Neria. Everything will be alright.
No.
Nothing was alright.
She was terribly anxious.
‘It’s because of you. '
Because you are here, I can’t erase this anxiety.
The person who found her even in the darkness.
All the kindness she had received, the warmth that had melted her body, the unbelievable devotion, and even your noble self.
Even after receiving all those miracles, she was afraid.
Afraid that she might harm you.
Afraid that she would hurt you.
That assumption terrified her endlessly.
-Because this time, I’ll be by your side.
However.
Even in the midst of her gloomy anguish, the boy only repeated that everything would be alright.
Rather, that assertion broke her heart.
‘How can everything be alright?’
She had yearned for stability so much, but now, ironically, it was killing her.
The reality was more painful than all the harsh tortures she had endured so far.
The warmth she had held in her hands for the first time.
It was more than she had imagined.
So good.
It made her feel like she would burst into tears, not wanting to lose it.
At the same time, she was afraid that she would shatter that warmth.
She hated that.
‘I’m scared.’
She was scared of herself.
She didn't want to hurt anyone else.
Despite having a clear will, the fact that she couldn't escape her fate in the end, the scene of the world turning white after being consumed by starlight, made the girl shudder with disgust.
These obsessions and fears ate away at her core like parasites.
Her mental state was as precarious as standing on the edge of a cliff.
Eventually.
“Haa, haa…!”
The girl ran away.
To distance herself from the only warmth she had ever known, to lock herself away once more in that dreadful, deep basement, her pitiful steps stumbled out of the mansion.
The harsh wind swallowed her silver hair.
Whoosh-!
A fierce scene.
Was even the ending winter throwing stones at the monster?
Snowstorms, not predicted in the forecast, were raging.
Despite the weather roughly slapping her cheeks, the girl traversed the pure white snowfield.
Perhaps because her tension had eased, the suppressed starlight was slowly leaking out.
Hot heat spread around her.
Drip, drip-.
The light falling like dew contained the power of the stars.
The girl stumbled, not even having the time to care.
‘Why… am I.’
The question soon dissipated.
As she fell several times on the difficult snowy path, hatred for her fate slowly boiled up within her.
Following her tightly clenched fists, sparks flew here and there.
‘Why did it have to be me?’
This power… I never wanted it in the first place.
Why did the stars choose her?
Why did that damned star have to be her?
She was born carrying a cursed fate.
She hadn't even prayed for other wishes, only wanting the ordinary lives of ordinary people.
She had longed and longed to have even that boring peace.
However.
‘I wasn’t asking for much.’
All that returned from her yearning was a bitter sneer.
Resentment could be seen in the overflowing starlight.
Tears streamed down her cheeks.
The girl murmured, savoring the lukewarm temperature.
It was a single phrase that melted down all her resignation.
“……Should I just die?”
She had lived a long time carrying the curse, but she no longer had the courage to move forward.
Perhaps it was because she had already learned about warmth.
The basement, which had been her home for half her life, felt particularly terrifying.
Rather than returning there, she felt it might be better to end her cold life now, while there was still some warmth left.
The girl stopped walking.
‘Yes….’
Let’s die.
Let’s just die.
Living on like this would only mean being buried in the darkness again, so let’s just let go here.
Her slender fingers pulled out something she was wearing on her waist.
It was a dagger.
More precisely, a symbol of this life.
The girl gripped the handle tightly.
-Take this… this is your destiny from now on.
-You were born carrying the starlight that will point its blade at others, so never forget that this sword is your negation.
-Following your predetermined fate, you will become a vicious beast of hatred.
The sovereign had given her the dagger with those words.
Since that day when the brainwashing and torture began, the girl had lived with a single negation.
Swish-.
Now was the moment to end her entire life with her own negation.
She tentatively drew it across her right cheek.
Perhaps because the starlight was being transmitted, the surface was coated with high heat.
Sizzle… As the boiling surface approached her pure white skin, a flower bloomed on her small face, accompanied by the sound of flesh searing.
Her eyebrows furrowed at the burn mark being etched like a brand.
It was excruciatingly painful.
“Ah… ugh, eugh…”
Her groans mingled with sobs.
It was painful, but.
She wouldn’t stop her hand for the liberation that lay beyond.
She aimed the sharply pointed end at her own neck.
Tears streamed down.
This was the end.
The final act for a destiny that had become a curse beyond a blessing.
The demise of a monster who deserved to die.
The starlight contained in the sword shone particularly brilliantly.
Holding a breathtakingly beautiful scene in her hand, the girl was committing the last murder of her life.
The blade bared its teeth.
Just before death could finally snatch her fragile breath.
Thud-!
There was a hand that blocked the execution.
A palm that had suddenly appeared in front of her was holding the dagger, steadying the girl’s swaying body.
Through the swirling snowstorm, the dull light of blonde hair could be seen.
Followed by a voice reaching her ear.
“You were here. Lady Neria.”
“You…?”
Beyond her fluttering eyelids.
Those half-opened white eyes were looking at the girl.
monarch
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