Heat flower (1)
“...”
I froze for a moment, the smoldering deathweed stick caught between my fingertips.
I held my breath, not daring to move a muscle.
-Knock, knock…
-Please, brother… Just say something…
The pleading voice of a young girl came from behind the door.
It was a desperate plea, filled with worry.
I ignored her, lifting the deathweed to my lips.
I exhaled carefully, the smoke billowing out, obscuring my vision.
“Haah…”
I wish she would just leave me alone.
A small groan escaped my lips at the sound of Ariel’s voice.
She came every day, without fail.
A dull ache throbbed behind my eyes.
-Brother… Are you really alright…?
-You are in there, right…?
-Gilbert told me… That you haven’t been eating…
I remained silent, but Ariel continued to talk.
As if she wouldn’t give up on me, she lingered, her voice a steady stream of worried whispers.
A fragile tremor seeped into the silence of my smoke-filled room.
-Please… Brother, just let me see your face…
-If that’s too much, then… your voice… Just say something…
-I’m… I’m really worried…
Her words, slipping through the cracks of the door, pierced me like shards of glass.
With every soft, tearful syllable, my hand clenched tighter around the deathweed stick.
-Ugh, huu… Brother…
-Please, please don’t do this…
-It’s scary… It feels like you’re really going to disappear…
-So… hic, huu…
Ariel, who had been trying so hard to hold back her tears, finally broke down.
Her sobs echoed through the room, each one a fresh wound to the already scarred surface of my resolve.
A strangled sound escaped my throat.
‘Ariel…’
I whispered her name, the sound swallowed by the smoke.
In my mind, I pictured her standing on the other side of the door.
Her small hand clutching the doorknob, her face streaked with tears.
My grip tightened.
‘Damn it.’
I wanted nothing more than to throw open the door and pull her into my arms.
To wipe away the tears that stained her cheeks.
To whisper words of comfort, to assure her that I wasn’t going anywhere.
But…
‘…But I can’t.’
I buried my face in my hands.
My chest tightened, my eyes burning.
I fought back the urge to cry, desperately clinging to the fragile wall I had built around my emotions.
-Please, brother…
-Huu, open the door…
Stop it.
Please, just stop.
Don’t make this harder than it already is.
I’m not the person you think I am.
I’m not the brother you love…
“Damn it… Damn it…”
I can’t stay here.
I can’t let myself love you, not when you love me.
Because I’m not Raiden.
I’m just a fraud wearing his skin. If I let myself love you, if I let myself live in this lie…
I would be nothing but a parasite, feeding off your affections.
Stealing the love you have for Raiden and using it to fuel my own pathetic existence.
-Brother…
For your sake…
“Ariel…”
I have to disappear.
Even if it hurts, even if it leaves me with nothing but a gaping hole in my chest.
It’s better than clinging to a love built on lies and deception.
-Brother…
I turned away from her voice.
Shutting her out.
I covered my ears, blocking out the sound of her sobs until there was nothing but silence.
.
.
.
It was almost an hour later when Ariel finally left.
Only after her heartbroken cries faded into the distance did the deathly silence return.
“...”
The loneliness that clung to me like a shroud did little to ease the ache in my chest.
It was a heavy, suffocating loneliness, a constant reminder that I was alone.
-Click, hiss…
The harsh reality of my situation was inescapable.
I inhaled the cloying scent of deathweed one last time before grinding the stick against the wall, extinguishing the ember.
My mind felt sluggish, my body heavy with exhaustion.
“Ugh, haah…”
I lay back on the bed, rubbing my temples, when a voice cut through the silence.
-You look pathetic.
The words were sharp, laced with venom.
I turned my head slowly, my eyes searching for the source of the sound.
-You knew this all along.
-That there’s no such thing as happiness for you in this world.
A young man with dark hair stood in the shadows.
His eyes, filled with a mixture of mockery and disdain, stared back at me.
I remained silent, watching him.
He was nothing more than a hallucination, a figment of my deathweed-addled mind.
-What were you expecting?
His voice, a venomous whisper, slithered into my ear.
I frowned, flicking the ash from the deathweed stick.
‘…Did I smoke too much?’
I had been consuming the stuff like it was air, after all.
It was only a matter of time before the side effects started to kick in.
Vivid hallucinations and auditory disturbances.
Normally, my Iron Will skill would have blocked them out with ease, but without my status window…
I was completely defenseless.
There was no point in fighting it.
All I could do was ride out the storm.
-Happiness is a pipe dream.
-Misery is all you deserve.
I ignored him, lifting the deathweed to my lips once more.
The smoke swirled around me, and the hallucination grew more vivid.
I knew I should stop, but…
I couldn’t bring myself to put it out.
-I hope you die a painful death.
Hallucinations are often a reflection of one’s subconscious.
In other words…
The curses that haunted me were nothing more than shadows lurking within my own heart.
-You should never have been born.
The world spun.
A wave of dizziness washed over me, and I clutched at my forehead.
My vision blurred, and when it cleared, I saw him again.
Raiden.
He was standing before me…
No, hanging.
-Gasp, choke…!
A thick rope was wrapped around his neck.
His limbs dangled limply, his eyes half-closed.
He was reenacting my suicide attempt from a few days ago.
-Cough…!
The rope bit into his flesh, choking him.
But even as his face contorted in pain, a cruel smile played on his lips.
A mocking grin.
“…Haah.”
A humorless laugh escaped my throat.
“Damn it.”
I had reacted, just as he wanted.
His shoulders shook with silent laughter.
I could feel my energy draining away.
But the nightmare wasn’t over yet.
-Ugh, gasp…!
-Agh…!
There were more of them now.
Two Raidens, both hanging from the ceiling.
They writhed in agony, their voices a chorus of despair.
-Help me…
-…Cough!
-Ugh, choke…!
Three.
The hallucinations were getting worse.
Four.
Five.
Six.
The ceiling was soon filled with hanging bodies, each one a grotesque replica of Raiden.
Their despair washed over me, a suffocating wave of misery.
“…”
I lay there, trapped in a forest of suicides.
It was a horrifying sight.
My mind was on the verge of shattering. I took one last drag from the deathweed stick.
I was exhausted.
I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer.
I closed them, surrendering to the darkness.
The mocking laughter continued to ring in my ears, but I didn’t care.
It would be gone when I woke up.
I pulled the blanket over my head.
Surrendering to the exhaustion that pulled at me like a riptide.
Sleep wrapped its greedy tendrils around me.
And I let it consume me, dragging me down into oblivion.
.
.
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Raiden was so high for smoking so much Deathweed to the point He didn't have neither the energy nor He paid no attention to His Hallucinations than were mocking Him at all. Raiden completely ignored the mocking and sneering rhetoric gave to Him.
ReplyDeleteIf this turns out to just be delusions and not really fantasy, 🤬
ReplyDeleteThis novel seems to glorify suicide or self-harm. This is grating on my nerves.
ReplyDeleteThe deathweed makes you hallucinate but his iron will normally blocks that effect.... He doesnt have that right now so its hitting him stong.
ReplyDelete