Shatter, Scatter, Hate (7)
“Why… Why do you all hate me so much…”
The lump in my throat swelled, choking me from the inside out.
My choked sob, a desperate plea lost in the suffocating tension, echoed through the room.
The walls I had so carefully erected around my heart crumbled under the onslaught, each tremor sending a fresh wave of agony through me.
My vision blurred, the world tilting on its axis.
Ugly tears, hot and unwelcome, welled up, blurring everything into an indiscernible mess.
Nausea twisted my gut, making me sway on my feet.
Before I could crumple to the floor, a hand shot out, gripping my shoulder.
It was Allen, his face a mask of shock and confusion.
“Y-Young Master… Please, calm down…”
His touch, surprisingly warm, spread through my arm.
But it wasn't comfort I felt.
It was a jolt of disgust, so visceral it made me flinch.
I shoved him back, my hand connecting with his chest.
“Get away from me… Don’t touch me. You disgust me…”
“Young Master…”
I pushed him harder, putting every ounce of strength I could muster into the movement.
He stumbled back, regaining his balance with a gasp.
Two figures rushed forward, catching him before he could fall. It was Eivy and Clara, their faces etched with worry.
“Are you alright, Allen?”
“Young Master Lishite, please, try to calm down. For now…”
Clara and Eivy, Allen’s devoted heroines from the original story, looked between us, their eyes wide with a mixture of fear and concern.
“Ha… Haha…”
Their gazes, sharp as shards of ice, pierced through me, intensifying the hollow ache in my chest.
A humorless laugh escaped my lips, a poor attempt to mask the despair that threatened to consume me.
The smile that stretched across my face was a grotesque imitation of the real thing, twisted by exhaustion and the bitter sting of hopelessness.
It wasn’t a smile at all.
It was a grimace, a physical manifestation of the turmoil raging within me.
“So, once again… I’m the bad guy?”
My voice, thick with unshed tears, cracked under the weight of my emotions.
“Young Master, that’s not…”
“Shut up. Just shut up.”
Tears, hot and relentless, streamed down my face, my vision alternating between blurry and agonizingly clear.
Each tear felt like a brand, searing a path down my cheeks.
I couldn’t hold back the sob that ripped from my throat, a raw, ragged sound that spoke of the pain I couldn’t articulate.
-Ding!
[Urgent Message!]
[Due to severe mental shock…]
“Shut up!”
I roared, swatting at the translucent blue screen that materialized in front of me.
The notification, a cruel reminder of the system that had brought me to this world, vanished with a flicker.
Calm down? How could I possibly calm down when my insides felt like they were being shredded to pieces?
Breathing was an effort, each inhale a shallow gasp that did little to alleviate the suffocating pressure in my chest.
It was as if I were drowning, the weight of their gazes pulling me under.
“You… You’re all the same.”
I spat, my voice trembling with barely suppressed rage.
My gaze, cold and unforgiving, swept over the girls standing frozen behind Allen.
“You didn’t stop him… You could have stopped him…”
Clara, Eivy, you trusted Allen and believed in him.
Surely, you could have calmed him down, reasoned with him before he broke down the door.
But you didn’t. And that meant…
“You believed him, didn’t you? You believed that I was hurting Lorraine.”
“...”
My words, sharp as knives, hung in the air, and met with stunned silence.
They had no answer, their silence speaking volumes.
I turned my gaze to Lorraine, a humorless laugh escaping my lips.
“Lorraine… You threw my letter away, even after I begged you to read it.”
If you had just read it…
Maybe none of this would have happened…
“Are you happy now…? This is what you wanted, isn’t it?”
“...”
Lorraine, like the others, remained silent, her gaze downcast.
I shifted my focus, my eyes landing on the last person in the room.
“…Princess Phyler.”
The silver-haired girl stiffened at my words, her vibrant red eyes meeting mine with a flicker of something akin to guilt.
A fresh wave of emotion crashed over me, threatening to break me apart.
“...You’re the worst of them all.”
“R-Raiden…”
“I tried so hard to earn your trust, to show you that I’ve changed, but you… You just kept pushing me away.”
“That’s not… I wasn’t…”
Margaret stammered, her voice barely a whisper.
She started to speak again, but then stopped, her jaw clenching as if she were biting back the words.
Silence descended upon the room, heavy and suffocating.
I stared at them, at the fear and distrust etched on their faces, and a bitter laugh escaped my lips.
How pathetic.
Here I was, a broken mess, and all they could do was stare at me with those accusing eyes.
“Ugh…”
I couldn’t even bring myself to wipe away the tears that continued to stream down my face.
I stood there, my legs trembling with exhaustion, a picture of utter defeat.
Deep down, I knew.
I knew that their distrust was justified, that the blame for their fear ultimately lay with the Raiden of the past, the one who had tormented them without mercy.
But…
What was I supposed to do?
I hadn’t done anything wrong.
Was I condemned to suffer for the sins of the body I now inhabited?
I had chosen this path, hadn’t I?
I had agreed to atone for Raiden’s sins, to try and set things right. But it was too much.
It wasn’t fair.
I was used to being hated, to being the villain of the story.
But this… This relentless, unwavering distrust was more than I could bear.
“What… What was the point of it all…?”
If there was anyone to blame, it was Raiden.
But he was gone, wasn’t he?
Dead and buried.
So who was I supposed to hate?
Who was I supposed to blame for this unending cycle of pain and misery?
I searched for an answer, desperately clinging to any shred of hope that might alleviate the crushing weight in my chest.
But there was nothing.
“You… You don’t understand.”
My anger, a wild, untamed beast, lashed out, its claws tearing at anyone within reach.
“You don’t know what I’ve sacrificed, what I’ve endured… You don’t know how hard I’ve tried to atone for his sins…”
…No.
That wasn’t true, was it?
They weren’t entirely blameless in this.
“This is bullshit…”
They could have chosen to believe me.
They could have looked past their preconceived notions and seen the effort, the genuine desire to make amends.
Even if Raiden was the one who started it all…
They were the ones who had pushed me to the edge with their endless distrust.
“I didn’t ask for much… I didn’t need your kindness, your gratitude…”
All I wanted was to not be hated.
…Was that really too much to ask?
My words, a lonely soliloquy, echoed through the room, each syllable a hammer blow to my already fractured heart.
The shards of my shattered hope pierced my chest, leaving behind a gaping wound that throbbed with each painful breath.
“Ugh…”
Shattered.
Scattered.
Only a burning, all-consuming hatred remained.
My head throbbed, the intensity of my emotions threatening to split my skull open.
I clutched my forehead, a low groan escaping my lips.
-Ding!
The familiar chime of the system cut through the haze of my despair.
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