What Winter Left Behind (1)
That memory was the first light it showed me.
The responsibility that bound me.
Perhaps resembling a fragment of the past I regretted, an atonement that once more led my steps towards shackles.
At the same time, it was the first memory that soothed my terrible loneliness.
“From today… I will give you a name.”
A hand extended, stained with blood.
The floor was slick with molten flesh, but the winter raging between us made even that pain forgotten.
In the gap that had narrowed unnoticed, there was a liquor that filled the immense sense of loss.
I close my eyes as if drunk on such memories.
“Your name is.”
I didn’t believe in gods.
Even so, if there’s a reason to speak of a hope I don’t believe in.
“Neria… Neria Lightning.”
Because I couldn't pass you by, scarred as you were.
Under the guise of a paltry act of kindness, perhaps I wanted to be forgiven myself.
Since I had grown up as an adult filled with deceit and lies from the start.
Clutching the sleeve of a childhood that was already fading, I merely turned up the corners of my lips as if knowing nothing.
So, what I wanted to say was…
“We are family now.”
To the star that hurt the most.
Thank you for finding my fallen life.
***
“Do not refer to our deputy commander by such a name.”
A murderous intent that coldly colored the surroundings.
The shadows that spread out in all directions contained tangible pressure.
Kugugugu-!
The ground trembled as if in fear.
The mana in the area was suppressed.
The splendid decorations adorning the battlefield swayed, and the guards waiting nearby fainted and collapsed.
The landscape of the landfill turning into chaos despite it being a mere release of power.
I stood at the center of the turmoil.
“Kuh, cough…!”
“I… I can’t… breathe…”
“……”
Roughly stifled breaths.
The situation was no different for the Imperial Guards standing beside me.
Their faces were all pale and stiff.
Beyond them, Injustice and Distrust were already kneeling, and only Obscurity, the highest-ranking among them, maintained an upright posture.
Of course, even he had a nosebleed, the blood dripping onto the floor.
It was truly a demonstration of the difference in power.
“My, my… you’re reacting quite strongly.”
“Do you desire something even stronger?”
“I respectfully decline. I wish to live a long life, you see.”
“You are truly terrible at lying.”
In the midst of the chaotic situation, only the Snake and the Lord remained composed.
We were merely glaring at each other.
Not a trace of agitation could be seen in either of our gazes.
As I exuded an aura of intimidation with the pitch-black storm, the old man leaning back leisurely on his throne began to speak.
His head was unbowed even in the face of death.
It was truly a repugnant dignity.
“It’s getting difficult to endure, aren’t you going to withdraw?”
“In contrast, your expression is quite relaxed.”
“It’s just my age now… perhaps you could learn a little something about respecting the elderly?”
“There are times when adults don’t deserve such respect.”
“You have an answer for everything.”
“Perhaps you should just keep your mouth shut?”
However.
The old man was actually laughing as if amused.
He was malicious.
He had never had any interest in that child from the start, it was just words thrown out to provoke me.
It was a moment that reaffirmed my disgust for that forked tongue.
The old man easily retorted.
“Don’t be so sensitive.”
“……”
“I was genuinely curious. It’s been four years since the war, hasn’t it? As someone who kept that child by their side for ten years, I think it’s a legitimate question.”
“You are not qualified to use the expression ‘kept by their side’…”
Took in.
You were not qualified to utter such words.
Your taking in of that child was nothing more than throwing her into a sea of blood and tears like a pawn.
The value contained within the word ‘taking in’ was not so vile.
For an adult to take someone in.
It is a kind of taming or extension.
Giving the colors that make up oneself to another, and sharing the responsibility for those dyed colors.
Like the golden wheat field that the Little Prince gifted to the fox.
I declared in a subdued voice.
“I mean do not cross the line.”
“I clearly stated that I was merely curious about her well-being, yet you are so quick to judge the sincerity of others.”
“Was it sincere?”
“Of course not.”
Tsk tsk.
The old man let out a creepy laugh.
Like a viper coiled up.
“But do you know? It is foolish to have certainty about others.”
“……”
“Humans do not have the ability to read minds. Who knows if the person you trusted last night will turn on you and hold a knife to your throat the next day? That’s why you should have faith, but not certainty.”
Who is he talking to?
The old man, his focus even blurred, mumbled with a nonchalant smile.
“Sometimes there are conflicts that even God cannot resolve.”
A cryptic remark that brushed past my ears.
What was the reason?
The old rosary hanging around the old man's neck seemed to shine for a brief moment.
I coldly countered the sudden sermon.
“Are you trying to offer some pathetic advice?”
“It’s advice I’m giving sincerely. I quite like you, you see.”
“Words I wouldn’t want to give even faith to, let alone certainty.”
“That’s a shame.”
A nonchalant response returned.
With a brief exchange of distrustful glances, the precarious atmosphere fell silent once more.
The weight in the stillness deepened with tension.
As we continued the precarious standoff.
Suddenly.
Kuoong-!
A noise echoed nearby, breaking the silence.
Familiar mana flow.
‘That mana… so it ended up like this.’
I wanted to keep it a secret as much as possible.
I let out a bitter sigh.
There was no use crying over spilled milk now.
As I waited for the commotion that followed with a heavy heart, a gatekeeper standing outside the audience chamber suddenly knocked urgently on the door.
A panicked voice was heard from beyond the door, then it abruptly cut off.
-Enemy… enemy attack! Someone has infiltrated the castle… kuh-ugh!
A chilling warning.
Not long after, the door guarding the interior burst open with a deafening roar.
Dust swirled following the erupting explosion.
Kwaaaaaang-!!
The main gate shattered into pieces.
Through the dust that rose like fog, dozens of shadows walked in.
All of them were wearing pure white robes.
A cold wind swept through.
The corridor they had passed through was littered with the corpses of guards and gatekeepers.
The intruders entered, leaving behind traces of dark red.
“Master.”
The girl who was at the very front.
As she loosened the robe that covered her face, her hidden silver hair cascaded down brilliantly.
Her clear eyes turned towards me, gently reaching out a hand.
“We have come to escort you.”
“…Lady Neria.”
It was none other than the deputy commander.
At the same time, she was the protagonist of the argument I had been having with the old man until just now.
“What brings you here?”
“We received a report that you had headed to the kingdom, Master. Out of concern, I followed you with a small number of personnel.”
“I see.”
“If this was an act of overstepping my bounds, I will accept any punishment…”
“It’s alright with me.”
I greeted the girl with a troubled smile.
Her gaze was locked down, unreadable.
However, she was merely waiting for her master’s response.
A subtle but strangely stiff atmosphere could be felt.
“I was planning to return anyway.”
I couldn’t help but take her hand.
***
We returned to headquarters.
Since the necessary discussions were already over, we were able to leave without hesitation.
The Monarch also didn't seem to have any intention of holding us back.
Despite having inquired about her well-being and provoked his opponent, he didn't say anything particular even after meeting Neria.
He simply left us with a farewell, saying he hoped to see us again later.
He was still an unfathomable man.
'I'm tired.'
The return journey was not difficult.
Since most of the available executives had been assembled, Lena, who was also a key figure, was present.
Thanks to her, we were able to return easily via portal.
A sense of fatigue I hadn't felt in a while.
Dealing with a snake-like man had made me sensitive in many ways.
I took a moment to organize my thoughts.
'Of all times.'
Truthfully.
I didn't want this matter to reach Neria's ears.
It was still an unhealed wound for her.
Knowing it would only make her unnecessarily worried.
It was a choice made with consideration for her position, but the only thing left after the failure was an awkward atmosphere.
I swallowed the unnecessary silence.
"Master. Are you alright?"
Neria asked cautiously, as if trying to gauge my mood.
I replied with a smile, as usual.
"Of course."
"I will take separate measures with the kingdom. Such disrespect is unacceptable, so we will strengthen security to prevent it from happening again."
"…Lady Neria, are you alright?"
"What do you mean?"
"I'm talking about the Monarch. You ended up reuniting after four years."
"Ah."
The girl hesitated to answer unconsciously.
However, perhaps she had anticipated the question, as she quickly erased her stiffness and added a sense of composure.
It was a reaction typical of her.
"There is no problem. It is a memory that has now faded."
Her tone and expression were outwardly indifferent.
The cold atmosphere was not much different from usual, but as someone who had spent a long time by her side, I could tell.
That she was forcing herself to appear calm.
Her silver eyes were trembling.
So faintly that even she might not have noticed.
"……"
I stared at her silently.
Neria Lightning.
The first connection I made in this world, and the first member who had stayed by my side the longest.
In the past, a girl who was called Disloyal as the Monarch's personal guard.
And.
…in the original story, she was the person who pulled the first trigger of the world's destruction.
Pointless thoughts tangled in my mind.
The conversation didn't continue.
Only silence flowed.
Perhaps it was because of the memories of the past that were slowly rising, both of us might have needed a little time for reflection.
In any case, the tumultuous day seemed to be coming to an end.
Rustle, rustle—.
That night.
Even at a time that pointed towards dawn, Neria and I were still in the commander's office.
We were slowly catching up on the recent backlog of work.
"……"
It was difficult to concentrate today.
Even while moving my pen, my mind seemed to be elsewhere.
Perhaps it was because of the unsettling thoughts.
The Monarch.
Having encountered someone left in the past, related memories kept flickering back.
Four years was a time I thought was quite distant.
But when I actually recalled it, the moments came back as vividly as yesterday.
Thoughts that bit their own tails and grew in size.
I eventually organized the documents I was working on to one side.
"…Lady Neria."
I called out her name suddenly.
The girl, who was also working beside me, replied.
"Did you call, Master?"
She seemed to have a lot on her mind as well.
Usually, by this time, the documents would be nearing the bottom of the pile, but her progress was still barely halfway through.
Beyond her clear pupils, a tremor still lingered.
Well, even if she tried to deny it, it would be difficult to be truly indifferent.
There were so many complicated pasts intertwined.
I put down my pen and said.
"Do you have a moment?"
"There is no problem. Is there something you need?"
"It's nothing much… I just wanted to have a short talk."
"A talk, you say…?"
"In a case like today, it would be a story from the past. I have a lot of thoughts because of what happened in the kingdom… and you are the only person who shares those memories with me."
"I am happy to… if Master is with me, no matter what it is."
"That's kind of you to say."
After hesitating for a moment, the silver-haired girl nodded.
I responded to her unwavering loyalty with a smile.
The words I muttered as if letting them flow held old memories.
"Heh heh… where should we begin?"
The beginning was winter.
It was the memory of when I first found meaning in this world.
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