If I disappear
"Raiden, are you alright? You look pale..."
Lucy's question brought me back to reality. My expression must have been grim as I was lost in thought. I quietly wiped my mouth and tried to relax my stiff facial muscles.
"I'm fine, Your Highness. Just a bit tired from not sleeping well last night."
I replied with an awkward smile.
Lucy narrowed her eyes, peering at me with suspicion. Her slender finger poked me on the shoulder.
"Are you sure you're okay? You've been acting strange all day like you can't concentrate in class..."
"There's no problem."
"Hmm..."
My answer didn't seem to convince Lucy.
She pouted for a moment, as if dissatisfied, then sighed and said,
"Remember what I said last time? If you're ever struggling, you can always lean on me, right?"
"Yes, Your Highness. I'll keep that in mind."
Lucy only stepped back after I nodded in acknowledgment.
Her concern might seem a bit excessive, but given my recent behavior, I couldn't help but feel like I deserved it.
With a bitter sigh, I picked up my pen again and tried to focus on the lecture.
"Question number seven might seem complicated, but it can be solved using a simple principle."
"If you block the mana circuit located in the middle of the equation, the outer equations will automatically be simplified."
"Once the problem is simplified this way, you can substitute the mass and density of mana..."
*Scribble, scribble...*
The students diligently followed the professor's explanation, tilting their pens as they scribbled down notes. They were probably all tense with the final exams just around the corner.
The written exams had as much impact on grades as the ranking battles.
Determined not to fall behind, I started moving my hand as well.
"Once the equations are superimposed, you immediately supply mana."
"The important thing here is to supply 1.5 times more mana than the appropriate level."
"By going through this process, you can cast a simple explosion magic spell using the overload of the mana equation."
No matter how hard I tried to concentrate, my mind kept wandering.
The worries that had been plaguing me since dawn wouldn't leave me alone.
"......"
Last night, the status window reminded me of a harsh truth.
This world might not hold any real meaning for me. I might have to leave eventually.
If that's the case, is it right for me to get attached to this place?
Would I only end up hurting myself and those around me?
"Haa..."
A soft sigh escaped my lips.
My mind felt like it was turning into knots.
I fidgeted with the deathweed cigarette in my pocket, a wave of frustration washing over me.
‘...Would I get kicked out if I smoked this during class?*4’
I shook my head at the absurd thought and glanced to the side.
My eyes met the sight of my liege, sitting next to me.
Platinum blonde hair that seemed to be spun from sunlight, and clear blue eyes that held the vastness of the ocean.
I was momentarily captivated by her radiant beauty.
If I disappear...
How would Lucy react?
Images of our past, tinged with tears, flickered before my eyes, overlapping with her bored expression.
— I was so... so scared...
— I thought... you were going to leave me forever...
— I... I was so afraid... that you were going to die...
If I fulfill all the conditions of the contract and disappear...
What would Lucy, left alone, say as she looked at the space I left behind?
‘She would probably cry her heart out…’
The boy named Raiden was the only pillar of support in Lucy's life.
The thought made my chest ache.
I tried to push down the painful emotions and stared at Lucy's face.
Our eyes met as she let out a small yawn, her eyelids drooping.
A faint blush crept up her pale cheeks.
"Ra-Raiden...? Why are you looking at me like that...?"
She was stammering, probably embarrassed that I had caught her yawning.
I simply smiled gently and shook my head.
"It's nothing. I was just..."
Just.
Lost in thought.
.
.
.
The more time passed, the more tangled my worries became.
I spent the entire day mulling over last night's thoughts, unable to reach a solution. By the time I returned to my dormitory, I was mentally exhausted.
The moment I stepped into my room, I shrugged off my uniform jacket and threw myself onto the bed.
I fished out a deathweed cigarette from my pocket and put it in my mouth.
*Click, hiss...*
"Haa..."
A plume of smoke escaped my lips along with a tired sigh, filling the air with a thick haze.
I leaned back, savoring the familiar scent of herbs that tickled my nose.
As I sat there in silence, taking slow, deep breaths, Rachel quietly entered my room.
"Young Master... is something troubling you? You seem exhausted..."
Her eyes, filled with genuine concern, met mine as she stood there with her hands clasped together.
Her gaze only added to my emotional turmoil.
I tried to brush it off, just like I did with Lucy.
"I'm fine... It's nothing. Just a lot on my mind..."
"......"
Rachel nodded silently and remained standing by the door as if keeping watch over me.
She probably saw through my facade.
‘...As expected, I can't hide anything from Rachel.’
I forced a wry smile and took another drag from my cigarette.
For a while, only the grayish smoke drifted between us, filling the silence.
Despite the quiet atmosphere, my mind was anything but calm.
My gaze wandered towards the window.
Beyond the thin pane of glass lay a world painted in shades of crimson and orange by the setting sun.
The Academy, bathed in the last rays of the fading sun, possessed a serene beauty.
*Hiss...*
I stubbed out the cigarette in the ashtray and immediately pulled out a new one from the box.
As I was about to put it to my lips and light it, I turned to Rachel, who had been standing silently by my side.
"Rachel."
"Yes, Young Master."
"What if... just what if..."
My throat tightened, and for a moment, I couldn't speak.
But I pushed through the hesitation.
My voice, barely a whisper, trembled slightly as it cut through the silence.
"What if I disappear again... what would you do?"
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