.
After finishing my bath and changing into my pajamas, I immediately threw myself onto the bed.
Thud, the bed sank deeply as I landed on it.
I savored the soft texture and hugged the blanket.
I didn't want to think about anything.
I just wanted to fall asleep peacefully.
I tossed and turned, burrowing deeper under the covers.
As if trying to hide from something.
Desperately.
Curled up in the center of the bed, I curled my body into a ball like a shrimp.
Only the ticking of the clock echoed softly in the empty room.
-Tick-tock, tick-tock...
Every time the second hand crossed a number,
I was reminded that time was still flowing, even in this gray world.
As I gradually became immersed in the faint noises, a feeling blossomed in my heart like a flower.
My chest ached.
Even though I was under the covers, I felt an unbearable chill.
My consciousness blurred, my breathing slowed.
My hand, which had been still, fumbled around as if searching for something, eventually clutching only a handful of empty sheets.
I knew the name of this feeling well.
It was the feeling I had encountered the most in my previous life.
Its name was loneliness.
Loneliness accompanied by a terrible sense of helplessness.
I had thought that this feeling had completely disappeared after coming to this world.
But it hadn't disappeared, it had simply been hiding.
The loneliness, which had reappeared after a long time, slowly melted into me.
My soul absorbed it like a sponge, and I became soaked in the blue emotions.
I tried to scream.
For someone to help me, to not leave me alone.
That this silence was too painful.
That I didn't want to experience this again.
I tried to scream loud enough for Rachel outside the room to hear my cry.
But my mouth wouldn't move.
My body, already drowned in helplessness, had forgotten how to move on its own.
With a silent scream, I sank into the waves of loneliness.
Deep.
Deeper.
So deep that there was no bottom to sink to.
As my body sank and sank, just before reaching the bottom of the sea,
-Knock, knock...
Someone knocked on my door.
-Young Master, are you asleep?
It was Rachel's voice.
I wanted to answer, but my mouth wouldn't open.
-Hmm... I'll come in...?
With a creak, Rachel opened the door and entered.
Only after she came close to me was I able to move my body again.
I lifted the covers and opened my eyes.
As I lifted my eyelids, I saw Rachel, who had changed from her maid uniform into her pajamas.
The light and airy pajamas exuded her characteristic refreshing aura.
Although the outfit was a bit loose, her graceful curves were subtly revealed here and there.
The girl's brown eyes widened in surprise as our gazes met, and she asked,
"Were you sleeping...?"
"......No, I was awake."
"Phew! That's a relief!"
Rachel smiled brightly at my words.
She came closer and sat gently on the edge of the bed.
I sat up, following her lead.
"What brings you here so suddenly?"
"What do you mean suddenly! Young Master, you can't sleep with your hair wet!"
Rachel puffed out her cheeks and pointed at my hair.
I ran my hand through my hair and felt the dampness.
I must not have dried it properly earlier.
I shook my head, trying to get rid of the water.
Rachel gasped and stopped me.
"W-Wait! You need to use a towel!"
"......It's a bother."
"Stay still! I'll dry it for you!"
"Hmm..."
She went to the living room and brought a fluffy towel, then made me sit down and started drying my hair.
The dry cloth gently absorbed the moisture from my wet hair.
I remained silent, receiving Rachel's gentle touch.
Her kind and caring pats,
transferred through the towel to my hair,
from my hair to my skin,
from my skin to my heart.
The loneliness and helplessness that had been consuming me just moments ago seemed to wash away a little.
I felt a sense of comfort in the warmth I felt behind me.
At the same time, I felt uneasy.
I vividly remembered the looks I had received today.
They were afraid of me, disgusted by me, and hated me.
Perhaps... Rachel felt the same way?
Even though she was always kind to me, maybe deep down, Rachel also hated me?
There were plenty of reasons for Rachel to hate me.
After Raiden turned into a delinquent, Rachel was the one he treated the worst.
Since she refused to turn her back on him until the very end,
she was the one who suffered the most from his bullying.
That thought made me bite my lip.
Rachel was the closest person to me since I came to this world.
If she, who always smiled brightly and took care of me,
actually hated me deep down inside...
...Would I be able to stay sane?
"You should dry your hair properly before you sleep~ The pillow will smell like wet hair."
The girl's gentle voice rang in my ears.
I hesitated for a moment, then finally spoke.
"......Rachel."
"So, your hair... huh, yes?"
The movement I felt on my head stopped at my call.
Even this small detail made my heart sink with anxiety.
Trying to appear calm, I asked quietly,
"Do you... hate me too...?"
"Huh...?"
"Do you... hate me?"
"......Why would you think that?"
Rachel asked back, her voice a notch lower, the atmosphere suddenly heavy.
Her usual cheerful voice was gone,
replaced by a low, serious tone.
My tongue felt heavy, and I struggled to articulate my words as I voiced my concern.
"Before I disappeared... I mean, when I was still a delinquent, you were the one I bullied the most..."
"So?"
"Even people who have never met me before hate me, so you, who were directly bullied by me..."
"Must hate you tremendously?"
"U-Uh... yeah..."
As I nodded, Rachel looked at me with a slightly darkened expression.
Her usual playful smile was gone, and her appearance seemed somewhat frightening.
-Gulp...
As I swallowed nervously, tension reaching its peak,
Rachel chuckled and relaxed her expression.
"Young Master."
"......Yes."
"How could I possibly hate you?"
You,
"saved my life when I was drowning in despair."
Rachel said, smiling brightly.
It was her usual pure and innocent smile.
She gently stroked my now dry hair and asked softly,
"Do you remember how we met, Young Master? A long time ago."
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I mean rather than hate its more of fear...how can MC expect people to treat him like a human when his revenge was completely inhumane and gore, not to mention it shows how psychotic our MC since he doesn't realize why people are reacting after seeing his brutal action during assassination attempt.
ReplyDeleteYou diptard. He executed assassins not normal people. How would he be psychotic . And they go to a school to train warriors, they live on blood and death. Raiden has every right to be depressed, those people are inconsiderate weaklings , who trampled on his efforts. .
DeleteMate its a military school for training kids to be soldier, so they will have to do the same thing he did, kill them enemy, they being disgusted or fear him for killing an enemy shows just how weak they are
DeleteSure (5:19pm), it is a military school and considering it's got the medieval theme - "kill or to be killed" is the norm, but killing someone purely to protect a person is quite different from torturing the enemy as brutal as he like (which is justified from his perspective) to enact his revenge is simply NOT normal(yes you can argue about "them having secret squads to do such torturing... so it is completely normal" but that's just digressing from my point)
DeleteHe is completely oblivious how his act is seen outside, and I say can confidently say even his maid and his sister will show some fear if they saw his actions on that stage.
Ok first of all yes you're correct on the first part about the medieval thing, we can both agree on that, but the second part on the other hand, you gotta remember he's not exactly sane or normal, he's depressed as hell and he never had a normal life to begin with his first life was messed up caused he got abused into becoming the perfect swordsman and never got to learn much cause he drop out of school and not having enough common sense
DeleteAlright I'm commenting just for letting the people know my online name, I'm the military school guy 5:19 pm and 12:51 am
DeleteDude (2:16pm), first of all, he didn't just simply execute them, he was pretty brutal with his way of killing the assassins especially the final guy, and not to mention no one knew his circumstances for enacting such inhumane acts so you can't expect folks to nonchalantly agree with his actions, and I suggest you reread how he killed the last guy before taking out on me just cause I shared my opinion about his oblivious perspective.
ReplyDeleteThe "diptard guy" go reread chapter 27_1 and 27_2, and if you still think it was just him "executing" then it's you who is abnormal.
DeleteYup... MC's way of thinking is pathetic here...
ReplyDeleteKilling and playing with prey is different all together. Asking to save him? When he himself is pushing everyone far? Not working
Thanks for the chapter
Damn, it's a war here in this comments section.
ReplyDeleteThis is actually portrait how it is to be a mentality unstable person quite accurately. Don't expect the patient to have the same Norm as you.
ReplyDeleteThere's a reason no one likes him. Regardless of depression or what not HE WENT WAAAAAY TOO FAR. And the system refuses to do it's job and help him, it's kinda ignorant that the s class skill never works until the last moment to push this cringe behavior. Author is 14
DeleteAs a person who has gone through that level of depression that is exactly how I used to think when I was depressed. Anything that happened was always my fault in my mind. There's a mental filter that only sees the negatives and doesnt allow in the positive. You overgeneralise things as well - he hates me that means everyone hates me. Then there's emotional reasoning- you feel horrible so you must be horrible in reality. This is deep dark hole and the way the author describes these episodes gave me chills. Almost bringing back memories of my past self. That darkness was scary. The author must have had a similar phase otherwise it's quite difficult to write it so well
ReplyDeleteThe comments are a war but let me put my two cents in 😅
ReplyDeleteI'm not gonna say the MC's acts are okay, the students' reactions are justified as they are just kids who have not experienced war or death, they're mere students learning in a school.
Sad to say this but in my own experience, I have thought of many ways to torture the criminals in my life, my brain was not "normal", now that I'm in a much more safe space, looking back even I'd think I was crazy to even imagine those, self harm, self mutilation, abuse makes you numb to pain and torture both physically and mentally.
The comments in my opinion are dismissive to the MC's experiences when we don't even know his whole story yet.
I think people forget that in addition to him torturing the assassin, he himself was on the brink of death trying to take revenge for his mother or just taking out his built up anger against them (but then again the students don't know that but we as readers do lol)
And plus if I have to put it really lightly this novel if I remember correctly, has demons and monsters so I don't think these students here who are looking at the mc with fear are never not gonna experience something worse. If it was a demon in place of the seeker, there'd be a totally different reaction, he'd be the "boy who slayed the demon" or something like that.
This is one of those parts where the author's decision and the mc's supposed action don't go with each other. Why does the mc care if Rachel who is a stranger to naru, hates him? The difference between possession and merging two souls is unnecessarily confusing for no reason.
ReplyDeleteI think the shitshow in the comments just shows how effective the story is lol.
ReplyDelete